SEPTEMBER 2003 OBITUARIES Charles Bronson Actor Charles Bronson, the craggy-faced action star who began his acting career in villainous bit parts and eventually became one of the world's biggest box office attractions, died of pneumonia at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. He was 81. Cult-movie fans will remember that one of Bronson's earliest roles was as Igor, Vincent Price's mute assistant in the 1953 3-D horror classic "House of Wax." At the time, Bronson still went by his given name, Charles Buchinsky. In 1961 he again appeared with Price in "Master of the World," a sci-fi film based on a Jules Verne novel. Bronson had myriad roles in crime thrillers and Westerns throughout the 1950s including appearances in "Riding Shotgun," "Apache," "Drum Beat," "Vera Cruz," "Big House, U.S.A." and "Run of the Arrow." In 1958 he starred in the television series, "Man With a Camera." The same year he played the title role in director Roger Corman's gangster quickie "Machine Gun Kelly." In the early 1960s Bronson had breakout roles in two classic John Sturges pictures, first as one of "The Magnificent Seven," and as tunnel digger Danny Velinski in "The Great Escape." Following prominent roles in "The Dirty Dozen" and "Villa Rides," Bronson headed to Europe where he turned out a string of action pictures that made him internationally famous. He returned to Hollywood one of the world's biggest stars. In the 1970s and 80s, he appeared in a number of controversial crime films including "The Valachi Papers," "The Mechanic," "Mr. Majestyk" and the ultra-violent "Death Wish" series. Bronson, who was married to actress Jill Ireland until her death in 1990, was wed three times in all, and is survived by his wife, Kim, six children and two grandchildren. THE B MOVIE MONTH IN REVIEW TEN DAYS OF 3-D Hollywood's historic Egyptian Theatre will host the 10-day "World 3-D Film Expo." This marathon study of three-dimensional cinema is billed as "the biggest, most thorough set of screenings ever done anywhere in the world, of stereoscopic films from the 1950's." And there'll be no red and blue goggles among the crowd. All films are being screened in the 35mm "double interlock" Polaroid system. (If you've never experienced this superior screening method, we guarantee you'll be blown away by the effect as compared to those anaglyphic glasses.) The lineup of films encompasses the mainstream (Hitchcock's "Dial M For Murder," the Martin and Lewis comedy "Money From Home" and the Broadway classic "Kiss Me Kate"), Westerns ("Charge at Feather River," "Gun Fury," and "Jesse James vs. the Daltons"), film noir ("The Glass Web" and "I, the Jury"), scads of short subjects ("Nat King Cole," the Three Stooges short "Pardon My Backfire"), rare Disney cartoons and an enticing catch-all called "3-D Rarities," which features material never before seen in 3-D. And, of course, our beloved genre-films are well represented. The staggering playbill includes "House of Wax" (naturally), "Gog," "It Came From Outer Space," "Cat-Women of the Moon," "Phantom of the Rue Morgue," "Robot Monster," Creature From the Black Lagoon," "Revenge of the Creature" and many more. If you're on the fence about attending, promoters are quick to indicate that "if you miss seeing these rare prints at the 'World 3-D Film Expo,' it is extremely unlikely you will ever have another chance to see them in a theatrical setting, in 3-D, on the big screen, again." We believe 'em! Tickets are $10.00 per show (all individual shows; no double bills). Festival passes are available. The special pass guarantees you "priority seating" and a free copy of the festival souvenir book! And if you spring for every show, you save 50 bucks on the total cost of admission. Polaroid 3-D glasses will be required for all screenings and are available for just 25 cents. You can get them via the festival Web site (see below) or purchase them at the theatre. It all happens September 12-21 at Hollywood's wondrous Egyptian Theater, 6712 Hollywood Blvd. For festival info, check out: http://www.3dfilmfest.com/ For more about the Egyptian and the American Cinematheque program, visit: http://www.americancinematheque.com/ And, by all means, tell 'em the B Monster sent you! ADAMS' AWESOME AUCTION The man behind the "Monster Bash," one-man e-Bay Ron Adams, is currently amassing an amazing all-movie paper auction and sale scheduled for November. Adams has managed to acquire the one-sheet posters of all three Karloff/"Frankenstein" films -- including the ultra-rare poster promoting the 1931 original. He's also accrued hundreds of similar classic horror-related items dating from the Universal Golden Age (1931-44), including one-sheets, unfolded inserts and lobby cards -- even complete lobby sets STILL in the original Universal wrapper! Adams says, "It'll probably be the biggest display of original classic horror movie paper ever in one place." The dates are firm -- Friday and Saturday, November 15 and 16. "I've got an accountant coming in, a notary, security, the whole nine yards," says Adams. The gavel falls at the Wingate Hotel in Latrobe, Pa., adjacent to Arnold Palmer Airport. You MUST be pre-registered to attend. You can register by phone (724) 532-5226 or mail (P.O. Box 643, Latrobe, Pa. 15650) for a fee of $10, which guarantees you a color catalog and bidding number. Don't say we didn't give you a heads-up. More details are available at the Creepy Classics Web site: http://www.creepyclassics.com MONSTERS MENACE MUSIC CITY Nashville horror film host Doctor Gangrene alerts us that the "Horror and Comic Fest" is happening October 11-12 at the Tennessee State Fairgrounds Agricultural Hall in Nashville. For those who find the $12-$15-a-day ticket costs of many genre-conventions intimidating, be aware that admission to the Nashville shindig is just three bucks. The majority of personalities on the guest roster hale from the comics field, but among those attendees with cult-film credentials are: Dick Warlock (Michael Myers in "Halloweens" 2 and 3 and Kurt Russell stunt double) Linnea Quigley (Scream queen star of "Return of the Living Dead" and Elm Street Nightmare's 4 and 6) Jim O'Rear (Known for appearances in "Day of the Dead" and the fourth "Star Trek" feature film) And what cult-film con is complete without a visit from "Plan 9" survivor Conrad Brooks? There's also a Chiller Cinema Halloween party, movie screenings and prize giveaways. (And don't forget, the good doctor can be seen Fridays at 1:00 a.m. on Nashville's UPN 30.) For more info visit: http://members.tripod.com/outerlimitsnashville/hcon03.html Or, schedule a checkup with the doctor at: http://www.chillercinema.com Naturally, tell 'em the B Monster sent you! MODESTO FEST FOR ASPIRING SHOCKERS The "Firelight Shock Horror, Fantasy, Science Fiction Film Festival" bills itself as "one of only a handful of competitive film festivals for Horror, Fantasy and Science Fiction films, especially independents, in the world." This year's fest takes place in lovely Modesto, Calif. (handy to both San Francisco and Fresno), with screenings and special presentations at Modesto's vintage State Theater. The guest list includes Kevin "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" McCarthy, Dee "The Howling" Wallace Stone, actresses Brinke Stevens, Belinda Belaski and Felissa Rose, and multi-talented screenwriter/artist Frank Dietz. Scheduled events include a "Dinner with the Stars," "A Salute to Kevin McCarthy," "Film and Television Symposia," and an awards ceremony honoring the films in competition. It all starts Sept. 26. To find out more, visit: http://2003.shockerfest.com/ You might want to mention that the B Monster sent you! STANG RECALLS, TOTALLY Character actor Arnold Stang, who co-starred with Arnold Schwarzenegger in the body builder's first film, told Reuters that he thinks the Terminator's run for Governor of California is "kind of an ego trip. He doesn't have any background in anything like that and he doesn't have any experience." At the time they were filming "Hercules in New York," Stang thought the same thing about Schwarzenegger's future in films. "I couldn't see any future for him as an actor, which shows what I knew, because primarily he was a muscleman." The offbeat 1970 film stars Mr. Universe (renamed Arnold Strong in the credits) as the fabled strongman who is befriended by a benign pretzel vendor played by Stang. Not only was his lengthy named changed, but all of his dialogue was dubbed. "He [had] this very heavy accent that he did not seem to be able to beat," recalls Stang, 73. "He had a much heavier accent than he has now." According to Stang, Schwarzenegger was also given to making far-fetched claims. "He would say things like he never works out, he never does any exercise, he never goes to a gym. ... He was going to pretend that he was born that way or something." According to Netflix.com, rentals of "Hercules in New York" have more than doubled since the recall brouhaha began. "CINEMA FIGHTING CANCER" That's the heartfelt credo of the good folks who host The Santa Monica Film Festival, which just wrapped another successful summer series. Staged by Deep Ellum Film, Music, Arts and Noise, Inc. (DEFMAN), the festival screens films "under the stars and over the waves on the Santa Monica Pier." The idyllic setting and retro ambiance are enough to recommend the weekly showings, but attendees also aid a very worthy cause. DEFMAN is a non-profit organization created in 1999 that works ³to promote the art of filmmaking and the entertainment industry while raising funds to help improve the quality of life by providing relief to individuals fighting cancer." Admission is free, but all ancillary profits from raffles, chair rentals and t-shirt, hat and poster sales go to The Cancer Relief Fund. You can find out more at: http://www.smff.com Of course, tell 'em the B Monster sent you! WELCOME BLACK POTTER According to a report in Newsweek, "The Prisoner of Azkaban," third in the Harry Potter series, will be much darker than the first two installments. Thank God! I was wondering when people would stand up and protest all of that unbridled wholesomeness. Looks like reality has finally hit the fan and splattered noir all over the Potter franchise, well known as a powder keg of militant innocence, a seething cauldron of disruptive, kid-friendly entertainment and encouragement. It's about time these Pollyannas got into lockstep with every other fantasy film. The edgier feel is attributed to director Alfonso Cuaron, whose credits include such hard-hitting potboilers as "Great Expectations" and "A Little Princess." "Alfonso is much more gritty than Chris [Columbus] ever was," according to Emma Watson, the film's world-weary, 12-year-old co-star. (No kiddin', she really said that!) CASTING KRYPTONITE Focus Features hopes to cast baby-faced Ben Affleck as George Reeves in their upcoming biopic "Truth, Justice and The American Way." The feature film chronicling the life and controversial death of the actor who portrayed Superman on television in the 1950s is currently in pre-production. Alan Coulter, the Emmy-nominated director of such high-profile cable programs as "The Sopranos" and "Sex and the City," will direct from a script by Paul Bernbaum. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the film will likely resemble "L.A. Confidential" as it "follows the botched investigation into Reeves' death as well as the actor's relationship with the iconic role." Originally, sneering Aussie X-Man Hugh Jackman had been assigned the part, but was forced to drop out due to a scheduling conflict. At one point, Kyle MacLachlan was vying for the role. Meg Ryan, Diane Lane and Sharon Stone are reportedly being considered for the role of Reeves' paramour, Toni Mannix. Affleck, incidentally, is 15 years younger than Reeves was at the time of his death at age 45. A & EEEEEEE! According to The Hollywood Reporter, the A&E network is currently developing "A&E's Ghost Tales," an anthology series featuring programs based on classic literary thrillers. Three Muse Productions head Robyn Rosenfeld is currently working out the details with the cable channel. But don't get your hopes up; Rosenfeld executive produced those dreadful Cinemax "Creature Features," remakes (in name ONLY) of classic American International 1950s drive-in shockers. McKEE'S TO SUCCESS The folks behind the Screamfest Horror Film Festival and Screenplay Competition have recently announced that, in association with Two Arts, Inc., the con will host the Robert McKee Horror Day. For the uniformed, McKee is, according to the official Web site, "the most widely known and respected screenwriting lecturer in the world today." (McKee was portrayed by Brian Cox in director Spike Jonze' Oscar-nominated "Adaptation.") The special daylong seminar will address the essentials of creating a horror film with particular focus on writing. It's all part of the Screamfest program, which kicks off Oct. 11 at the L.A. Film School. The 10-hour crash course runs from 9:30 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. The registration fee is $195 for the day. (The Screamfest itself runs Oct. 10 through Oct. 19th at the Laemmle Theatre and L.A. Film School facilities.) The winner of the Screamfest Horror Film Festival Screenplay Competition will receive a complimentary registration to a future McKee Story Seminar Weekend donated by Two Arts, Inc. For travel and accommodation info, or more detail in general, drop them a line at screamfestla@aol.com. For still more info visit: http://www.mckeestory.com and/or http://www.screamfestla.com NEW BOOK NAILS CARPENTER Fans of John Carpenter will want to pick up a copy of "John Carpenter: The Prince of Darkness," a comprehensive new tome by Gilles Boulenger. The crux of the book is an exhaustive interview with the filmmaker that details his infatuation with German Expressionism, his influences including Howard Hawks, John Wayne and Stephen King, the creation of every slasher-film fan's favorite murderous maniac Michael Myers, even a digression into quantum physics! Boulenger, one-time publisher of the French cult-film magazine Le Cinephage, has written such movie-related books as "Burton on Burton" and "The Apocalypse Now Book." For more information, contact Silman-James Press at: artfind@earthlink.net or ghfeldman@earthlink.net NEW ON DVD THE THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD Hallelujah and praise the deity of your choice! "The Thing" is FINALLY released on DVD! Years of watching the skies have been rewarded. And is our patience acknowledged by a deluxe release, loaded with extras? "Special Edition?" "Interviews with cast members?" "Behind-the-scenes documentary?" "Illuminating audio commentary?" Nope. Just a clean print (with oft missing scenes intact) and the theatrical trailer. Whoop-dee-do! And there was little fanfare to accompany one of the most anticipated DVD releases in recent memory. Shabby treatment for one of the best and most influential thrillers in movie history. James Arness, Robert Cornthwaite and William Self of the original cast are still in vigorous health, and I'm sure would gladly participate in a special salute to the film. And any number of genre-film historians would jump at the chance to provide audio elucidation. Apparently no one at AOL - Time-Warner - HBO - CNN - CompuServe - Amazon - Castle Rock - New Line - TNT - DC Comics - Hanna-Barbera - Rhino - Sports Illustrated - Cinemax - Little, Brown and Company (no kiddin', one company really controls them all -- and God only knows how many corporate entities they've gobbled up since this was written) thought it worth the effort. JESSE JAMES MEETS FRANKENSTEIN'S DAUGHTER This film is so numbingly inept it hardly seems fair to pass negative judgment. Giving it a bad review is akin to climbing aboard the "Let's get Ed Wood" bandwagon that was so popular a few years back. You know the routine: Mainstream critics suddenly realize that indy filmmakers with little money have made movies that aren't as good as "Citizen Kane," so naturally the personalities behind them are fair game for ridicule. Take Ed Wood, for example, or in the case of "Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter," director William Beaudine. Dubbed "One-shot" Beaudine by detractors, it's true that he sped through productions with a workmanlike disregard for perfection. He also directed more than 250 films and TV programs over a 50-year career. (Let's review Michael Bay's resume 50 years from now and see how they compare.) Most of Beaudine's films were not particularly distinguished. Some were terrifically entertaining, such as "Voodoo Man," myriad entries in the Torchy Blane, Charlie Chan and Bowery Boys series, and multiple episodes of "Spin and Marty," "Broken Arrow," "The Naked City" and "The Nine Lives of Elfego Baca." Notwithstanding, fair is fair, and "Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter" is simply awful. The title pretty much sums up this mish-mash of Western and horror themes. In fact, it feels very much like two different movies only tenuously joined by the very exploitable title. The only action to speak of is a single shootout that takes place in the Western portion of the film, long after we've forgotten the horror film that commenced two reels earlier. In said shootout, Jesse's big, dumb henchman is wounded and the only doctor within 100 miles is Maria Frankenstein, who has taken up residence in an unconvincing matte painting that represents an abandoned monastery in the Arizona desert. (According to lengthy exposition, Maria and her brother continue their experiments in the American desert, because there are more thunderstorms there than in their native Vienna.) The frightened villagers who once lived in the matte painting, terrorized by the Frankensteins, have abandoned their homes, all save feisty Estelita Rodriguez, who falls for Jesse. Jesse's hulking buddy, Cal Bolder, is the perfect subject for Maria's sinister surgery and, you can pretty much figure out the rest. Screenwriter Carl K. Hittleman apparently had a thing for Jesse James, having produced Sam Fuller's "I Shot Jesse James" in 1949 and "The Return of Jesse James" in 1950. (Interestingly, John Ireland played Jesse's killer in the former, and the man mistaken for Jesse in the latter. Reed Hadley played Jesse in the former and Frank James in the latter). Hittleman wrote the equally notorious "Billy the Kid versus Dracula," which was also directed by Beaudine and released on a double bill with this feature. This title is the first in Elite Entertainment's series of "bad" movies featuring audio commentary by schlock-film maven Joe Bob Briggs. Joe Bob's punditry is often witty and illuminating, but even his notable loquaciousness is tested during the film's many boring stretches. Scathing (if warranted) commentary notwithstanding, this is recommended viewing, a fascinating, genre-juggling glimpse at Poverty Row desperation, helmed by a much-maligned journeyman. http://www.elitedisc.com THE CORE Holy Moley, what a long, dull, predictable stinker. If you're expecting a modern take on a Verne or Burroughs-like adventure, forget it. Even if you abandon all of your old-fashioned notions of science fiction, anticipating instead a steely slick thriller in a Ridley Scott vein, you're likewise out of luck. In fact, the makers of this film don't seem to have been altogether sure WHAT tone to go for. The film's posture continually wavers, one moment campy, the next, deadly earnest. Director Jon Amiel, whose shining moment was the British teleseries "The Singing Detective," has done little of distinction since that 1986 gem ("Sommersby," "Copycat," "Entrapment"). But he might have found SOME way to steady this tottering script about shortsighted military-industrialists who have inadvertently caused the Earth's core to stop spinning. As the catastrophic ramifications of this predicament are spelled out, a valiant crew is chosen to helm an experimental craft that will drill to the titular core and, with a nuclear blast, get it rotating again, thereby sparing mankind horrific natural disasters and utter extinction. And who comprises this crew? Let us count the cliches: Hilary Swank (the military female who has to prove she's as good as a man), Aaron Eckhart (the ever-so-earnest, compassionate, hippie scientist who's just bound to fall for Hilary), Stanley Tucci (the egomaniacal, credit-hogging scientist you love to hate), Bruce Greenwood (the handsome Joe Whitebread commander) and Delroy Lindo (the black guy who gets killed). In fact, if you've seen your fair share of genre-films, you'll be able to predict who gets killed and when, and who gets to live in the brave new world. The effects are less than special, considering that over 100 CGI, makeup, art department and effects artisans are credited, including "inferno artists," a "digital integration supervisor," a "fabrication supervisor," a "CG lighter" and an "outer core supervisor." This does not include 26 sound technicians. So much talent lavished on a tired concept aimed at the lowest possible common denominator. Call it campy or moralistic, but you can't have it both ways. These people tried, and that's why "The Core" is hollow. TERROR IS A MAN Kane Lynn and Eddie Romero teamed up in the Philippines to produce a whole bunch of exploitation pictures, the best known of which are the "Blood Island" films starring former American teen idol John Ashley. The "Blood Island" movies were made in the late 1960s and early 1970s, but the "Blood Island" saga actually began with "Terror is a Man" in 1959. Directed by Filipino auteur Gerry de Leon, it is based -- and NOT loosely -- on H.G. Wells¹ classic "Island of Dr. Moreau." Richard Derr of "When Worlds Collide" fame is the seagoer washed up on the bloody shores of the island of Dr. Charles Girard, played with excruciating hauteur by Francis Lederer. Lederer is one of the underrated B-movie greats, and was one of the very best screen vampires in the little-heralded "Return of Dracula." He is no less enjoyable here. You're no doubt familiar with the time-honored plot concerning vivisection, gland transplants and other grisly surgeries that create a misshapen breed of half-man, half-animal. (In fact, when originally released, one marketing gimmick involved a warning bell that alerted squeamish theatergoers when it was time to hide their eyes -- "A unique experience in motion picture terror!") It's an economical and energetic little film with some genuinely spooky scenes. It isn't subtle a la Jacques Tourneur, nor is it outlandish like George Romero. But it IS uncharacteristically raw for a 1950s drive-in thriller. The three leads, including former Miss Denmark Greta Thyssen as the mad doc's stifled wife, have at the material with conviction. In other words, they sell it. At least, I was sold. DRIVE-IN DISCS VOLUME 3: I BURY THE LIVING, THE HAND Volume one featured "The Screaming Skull" and "The Giant Leeches." Volume two showcased "The Wasp Woman" and "The Giant Gila Monster." All feature an esoteric assortment of short subjects including Gumby cartoons, coming attractions and refreshment stand promotions, not to mention an innovation (if that's the right word) called "Distorto," an audio option that replicates the scratchy sound of a drive-in movie speaker. Volume three isn't on par with its predecessors owing to the merit of its twin features. Even so, it's required viewing for completists, as the lower tier of the twin bill, "The Hand," is rarely revived or screened on TV -- with good reason. The premise is so decidedly grisly -- especially by the standards of the 1950s -- it's little wonder that it rarely, if ever, turned up on the late, late show. This little-seen British shocker begins in WWII, as British POWs are tortured by their Japanese captors who summarily chop off their hands. From there, we jump to London in 1960 where a maniacal killer is lopping off the hands of his victims. What's the link? No spoilers here. You'll have to endure this one to find out, same as I did! The Yanks may have been the masters of exploitation, but Brit B-movie-makers had a penchant for the gory when they could slip it by their notably stuffy censors. ("The Crawling Hand," you may recall, features a pre-credits decapitation.) "The Hand's" director, Henry Cass, helmed the similarly unpleasant (and terminally dull) "Blood of the Vampire" two years earlier. His final feature was 1968's "Happy Deathday." Sounds like a fun guy. The main attraction here is "I Bury the Living." While it has been largely overrated, accruing an unwarranted reputation as a masterful shocker (Stephen King has cited it as one of his all-time favorite films), it IS pretty good, with an enticing premise and a solid cast led by Richard Boone and Theodore Bikel. Boone plays the freshly appointed director of a cemetery who seems to possess an unwanted power over the destinies of his clientele. Whenever he sticks a black-headed pin into the cemetery map, the person owning the pinpointed plot promptly croaks. Director Albert Band, who never again displayed such subtlety, credibly chronicles Boone¹s dissent into madness. Subsequent films directed by Band include "Face of Fire," "Dracula's Dog" and "Robot Wars." Band's more notable contribution to genre film is the formation with son Charles Band of a latter-day B-movie empire that has, to date, churned out roughly 200 low-budget features and direct-to-video shockers, most of which seem to be planned as franchises. These include the "Trancers" series, the "Puppet Master" series, the "Ghoulies" series, the "Dollman" series, as well as such lurid trifles as "Beach Babes from Beyond," "Femalien" and "Bimbo Movie Bash." And to think it all started with a pin stuck in a map. http://www.elitedisc.com ATOMIC BRAIN, LOVE AFTER DEATH, THE INCREDIBLE PETRIFIED WORLD: SPECIAL EDITION This triple bill from Image Entertainment and (who else) Something Weird Video is packed with so much behind-the-scenes trivia that the films themselves are completely overshadowed -- which isn't much of an accomplishment -- all three of 'em stink, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't see them. Let's start with "Atomic Brain," also released under the far more appropriate title "Monstrosity." By some obscure script connivance, atomic power and glandular surgery are employed to reverse the aging process. At least I think that's what the rich old biddy in the big creepy house is paying scientist Frank Gerstle to do in her basement. In any event, lovely exchange students start disappearing into the cellar lab. These include Judy Bamber, who appeared in "Dragstrip Girl" and Roger Corman's "A Bucket of Blood," and Erika Peters, who appeared in William Castle's "Mr. Sardonicus," director Maury Dexter's "House of the Damned" and "G.I. Blues" with Elvis Presley. Frank Gerstle was a fine character actor, one of those guys you might not know by name, but certainly by face. He worked in dozens of films, both "A" and "B," and myriad TV series. His cult-film resume is not to be sneezed at: "The Magnetic Monster," "The Neanderthal Man," "Killers from Space," "The Four Skulls of Jonathan Drake," "The Wasp Woman," and, of course, "The Banana Splits Adventure Hour." This is the sole directing credit for Joseph V. Mascelli. He was a sometime cinematographer who shot the Arch Hall "classic," "Wild Guitar," and Ray Dennis Steckler's "Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies," and "The Thrill Killers." He also filmed "The Street is My Beat" for Irvin Berwick and Jack Kevan, the team behind "Monster of Piedras Blancas." (Kevan was a top-flight makeup artist who helped create "The Creature From the Black Lagoon.") "The Incredible Petrified World" is an incredibly stultifying film from Jerry "Say it loud, I'm a hack and I'm proud" Warren. Warren not only produced pictures on the cheap -- VERY cheap -- he seemed to have genuine contempt for moviegoers and TRIED to make the worst possible film that could still earn back its nut. (Inept or not, at least Ed Wood had a heart.) Warren's films are aggravatingly bad but, like an automobile crash scene, sometimes it's difficult to look away. "Petrified World" star Robert Clarke told the B Monster that it was perhaps the best picture Warren did. It is -- but that ain't sayin' much. John Carradine, who appeared in more than one of Warren's films (albeit in extraneous footage that was later stitched into the finished product), plays a scientist seeking to perfect an experimental method of deep-sea exploration. His guinea pigs are Clarke, Phyllis Coates, Allen Windsor and Shelia Carol. The initial dive goes bad and somehow the quartet is trapped in a maze of sub-aquatic caves inhabited by stock footage lizards and a mute hermit played by one of Warren's relatives. Clarke recalled Warren as "a screaming idiot! He'd stand by the camera and yell. I said, 'Why can't you calm down and speak normally?' He did, once the scene was over. At once, he was very calm but when the light went on and he said 'action,' he became a raving maniac." Clarke also recalls that "the actor who wasn't in the scene had to hold the sound boom," and that Warren, "edited the damn thing in his living room. ... I had to admire the guy. At least he had a lot of enterprising ideas." The third film in this loathsome threesome is "Love After Death," a lurid, murky, dubbed Argentine film lensed in 1968. This muddle involves a cataleptic, cuckolded husband who is buried alive by his scheming wife and her lover. He somehow escapes the grave and ... can you guess what happens? It would appear that no one listed in the credits of this film ever did another (with the exception of Jennifer Welles, whose sleazy American-filmed scenes were added for the movie's stateside release. She went on to win the Erotica Award for Best Actress in 1977). Either that, or no one north of the equator has ever bothered to research the Argentine B-movie business and report on it. I know I don't want to, not if films like "Love After Death" are representative of their output. http://www.image-entertainment.com SPECIAL THANKS TO: Michael F. Blake, whose books are available through Vestal Press or at http://www.amazon.com ClassicSciFi.com http://www.classicscifi.com Harris Lentz III, whose books are available at http://www.mcfarlandpub.com Bob Madison, founder and CEO of Dinoship, Inc. http://www.dinoship.com Bryan Senn, whose books are available at http://www.mcfarlandpub.com and at http://www.midmar.com/books.html Tom Weaver, whose books are available at http://www.mcfarlandpub.com and at http://www.midmar.com/books.html PARTING BLURB "See screaming young girls sucked into a labyrinth of horror by a blood-starved ghoul from hell!" -- Beast From Haunted Cave