NOVEMBER 1999 OBITUARIES Ivan Goff Screenwriter Ivan Goff is dead at 89. He had Alzheimer's Disease. With his longtime writing partner, Ben Roberts, Goff penned 25 films including the Cagney classic, "White Heat," ("Top of the world, Ma!"), "Captain Horatio Hornblower," "Band of Angels" and others. He may be best known to genre-film fans for co-scripting, with Roberts and R. Wright Campbell, the Lon Chaney biopic "Man of a Thousand Faces," which starred Cagney as the legendary silent-film actor. The script was nominated for an Academy Award. Goff and Roberts later produced the "Mannix" TV series and co-created "Charlie's Angels." Abraham Polonsky Screenwriter/director Abraham Polonsky is dead at 88. Polonsky's screenplays included two of John Garfield's best-known films, "Body and Soul" and the film noir classic "Force of Evil" which he also directed. Polonsky was an avowed communist sympathizer and was blacklisted in the 1950s because of his politics. Using the pen name John O. Killens, he wrote "Odds Against Tomorrow" in 1959 before leaving film work for 10 years. He returned to screenwriting under his own name in the late 1960s, writing and directing "Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here," and scripting "Madigan" and "Avalanche Express," among others. DEAR B MONSTER Q: The credits of one of my all-time favorite hot-rod flicks, Dick Contino's "Daddy-O," lists a John Williams as musical director. Is it THE John Williams? A: Yep! Long before "Star Wars," "Close Encounters," "Raiders of the Lost Ark" and the mantel full of Oscars that came with them (not to mention his auspicious leadership of the Boston Pops Orchestra), Williams wrote tunes such as "Rock Candy Baby," "Angel Act" and "Wait'll I Get You Home" for Contino to croon. THE B MOVIE MONTH IN REVIEW SPACED OUT OF IDEAS Fear-stricken Hollywood big shots are scraping the bottom of another barrel. Terrified of possible commercial failure (ergo, new ideas), they resort to remakes and hope to play upon our nostalgic impulses. It won't wash this time. That cute Drew Barrymore, soon to be one of the new "Charlie's Angels" (yet another barrel scraped), is slated to star in a big-budget remake of "Barbarella." To whom is this supposed to appeal? FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF TOO MUCH INFORMATION Gloria Stuart, star of the classic films "The Invisible Man" and "The Old Dark House" (not to mention the movie about the big boat and the chunk of ice) has recently released her memoirs entitled "I Just Kept Hoping" (which the New York Post was quick to rechristen "I Just Kept Humping"). An advocate of free love, Stuart recounts her many sexual encounters, and ruminates on her passion for -- um -- self-gratification. MANUAL LABOR OF LOVE National Symphony Orchestra conductor Leonard Slatkin introduced a special screening of the Robert Forey-directed shocker "The Beast With Five Fingers" at The American Film Institute. Slatkin's uncle doubled for the detached, piano-playing digits in the 1946 film, while his mother performed as part of the studio orchestra. When announcing the event in typically condescending fashion, The Washington Post referred to Peter Lorre's performance in the classic film as "campy" and "googly-eyed." AND YOU THINK WE'RE TOUGH? We've often hammered home the point that modern sci fi is stale, cliched and derivative, but get a load of what The Washington Post's Tom Shales has to say about the WB's new teen sci fi series, "Roswell": "It's not just a bad show, it's a destroyer of brain cells. It's pernicious, it's atrocious. It's not even smart enough to be called mindless. It's a seething, gurgling, boiling-hot cauldron of noxious, molten pus! No, wait -- that makes it sound too entertaining." Ouch. SINBAD SAILS AGAIN Ray Harryhausen's Dynamation spectacle, "The 7th Voyage of Sinbad," will be released on DVD on November 30. For any fan unfamiliar with Harryhausen's work (there may be three left on the planet), this is a terrific way to acquaint yourself. The fun-filled flick would be enough, but get a load of the goodies that come with the DVD version: "The Ray Harryhausen Chronicles" documentary, interviews concerning "Voyage" and "Jason and the Argonauts," the "This Is Dynamation" featurette, the original theatrical poster and trailers touting Harryhausen's best-known films, including "Earth Vs. the Flying Saucers," "20 million Miles to Earth" and "It Came From Beneath the Sea." FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF TRULY BAD IDEAS Two legends of screen comedy have surely commenced rolling in their graves with the release of "The All-New Adventures of Laurel and Hardy: For Love or Mummy." The "film" stars Bronson ("Perfect Strangers") Pinchot and Gabriel ("Hee Haw") Sartain as Stan and Ollie respectively. This is not a joke. Next up: "African Queen 2: The Further Adventures of Charlie Allnut" featuring Gary (Radar) Burghoff as Humphrey Bogart. (Okay, that was a joke, but no so far-fetched in context.) MOVIE MUSIC MASTERS Six of Hollywood's finest composers, Max Steiner ("King Kong," "Gone With The Wind"), Erich Wolfgang Korngold ("The Adventures of Robin Hood"), Alfred Newman ("All About Eve"), Franz Waxman ("Bride of Frankenstein," "Rear Window"), Bernard Herrmann ("Citizen Kane," "The Day the Earth Stood Still") and Dimitri Tiomkin ("The Thing From Another World," "High Noon"), are now honored with postage stamps bearing their likeness. The unveiling took place in a special ceremony at the Hollywood Bowl hosted by film historian Leonard Maltin. ANY SIMILARITIES ARE PURE B.S. A New York lawyer, who also happens to be a practicing witch, has pressed to have Artisan Entertainment attach a disclaimer to their smash hit "The Blair Witch Project," claiming the film misrepresents witches in general as killers of children. "[It] both exploits and reinforces negative stereotypes about witches: that they are evil murderers of children and adults,'' says Phyllis Curoff. Artisan risked the witches wrath and released the film on video, sans disclaimer. FLOATING TO A CITY NEAR YOU AMC's Halloween MonsterFest campaign is heralded by a gigantic hot-air balloon shaped like Paul Blaisdell's classic "She-Creature," Cuddles. According to the publicity, "The She-Creature can be seen prowling the skies all over the U.S.A during the MonsterFest balloon tour! The magnificent She-Creature will touch ground for Local Community Events in every town she visits. Don't miss your chance to meet Cuddles in the goose-flesh!" Let's be clear: We love the "She-Creature," surely the most memorably looney of all Blaisdell's creations. But why, of all monsters, would AMC choose Cuddles as a mascot? Anyhoo, our hat's off to 'em (and that's not just hot air). ENTER THE MILLENNIUM WITH ALTAIRA "Forbidden Planet" fans can start the next millennium in style with the new "Anne Francis Year 2000" limited-edition calendar. On the all-color cover, the "Forbidden" star is seen in several scenes from the MGM space classic, on "FP" poster art and in a more recent shot, being reunited with co-star Robby the Robot; the b&w interior features 12 vintage publicity shots of the cult actress (each appropriate for that month) and a dozen of her poems. A portion of the proceeds will go to charity. $30 (money orders) to PO Box 3282, Palm Desert, CA 92260, or check out Anne's website: http://www.annefrancis.net CAN THE CORN Taking up space in a video store near you is a little film called "Children of the Corn 666: Isaac's Return." Because I'm not a "Children of the Corn" completist, I have to ask: Is the numeric title a Satanic reference or the actual number of films in the series? If you're interested, this one stars Nancy Allen and Stacy Keach. I'll admit I've not yet seen the film as I'm waiting for the "Children of the Corn" DVD box set containing all 666 "Children of the Corn" films. HARSH REALITY Fox TV has yanked producer Chris ("X-Files") Carter's Harsh Realm series. In fact, they've scrapped their entire Friday night lineup after it produced the network's lowest ratings ever for original Friday night programming. "Harsh Realm," based on the comic book by James Hudnall and Andrew Paquette (who had to fight to get screen credit), saw its numbers plummet from 7.5 million viewers one week to 3.7 million the next. Are fans finally tiring of the paranoia-fueled, dark and dreary bit? MOTION TO ADJOURN? As "The Blair Witch Project" makes its way into video release in time for Halloween, it remains to be seen whether the film's phenomenal success will inspire a spate of hand-held, herky-jerky, cinema verite horror flicks. If you've put off viewing the film for fear of the much-publicized motion sickness it reportedly inspires (which, we're told, is strictly a large-screen phenomenon), now you can watch in the comfort of your own home with a bucket nearby. REVIEWS UNLUCKY NUMBER "The Thirteenth Floor," a convoluted, unnecessarily dark thriller that whisked in and out of theaters some months back, makes its way into video release this month. Built around star Craig Bierko (who?), it has something to do with time travel (via some sort of virtual-reality contrivance) and identity-swapping, and manages to be confusing and predictable simultaneously. What's more, it wastes a performance by one of today's most dependable character actors, Vincent D'Onofrio. There's a reason elevators don't list this floor. Skip it. CRYPT-TONIGHT Promising the "untold story," ABC's flashy, trashy "20/20 Downtown" revealed absolutely nothing that fans didn't already know about the death of George "Superman" Reeves. Following a segment about India's eunuchs, the piece played like one of "The Daily Show's" parodies of such journalism, complete with grainy "re-enactments," "pop-up" factoids ("George Reeves and Christopher Reeve are not related." Really? Maybe the different last names were a giveaway) and reporter Bill Ritter practically insisting that one talking head use the word whore to describe a key player, even as it was painfully obvious she was trying to avoid the term. In short, the kinds of stories we've laughed at in the National Enquirer for years are now what pass for TV news. The upshot of the segment (cribbed from the books "Speeding Bullet" and "Hollywood Kryptonite")? Some think Reeves committed suicide, some don't. Viewers were afforded the chance to chat online with Noel Neill and Jack Larson (TV's Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen, respectively) following the program. 50 FEET OF OLD-FASHIONED FUN AMC officially launched its Monsterfest '99 campaign with the original, hour-long documentary clumsily titled "Attack of the 50 Foot Monstermania." As narrated by "Lost in Space's" Bill Mumy, the program managed to do a decent job of encapsulating the history of the giant monster sub-genre, with many original trailers employed to good advantage ("Imagine a rooster six feet tall!"). The usual talking heads were rolled out for commentary, and it was especially good to see and hear from Ray Harryhausen and Bob Burns, who were actually around when the films were being made. Burns wistfully summed up the charm of the cheaper flicks that came under scrutiny: "There's something about a guy in a monster suit ..." SPECIAL THANKS TO: Michael F. Blake, whose books are available through Vestal Press or at http://www.amazon.com Harris Lentz III, whose books are available at http://www.mcfarlandpub.com Bob Madison, whose books are available through Midnight Marquee Press or at http://www.amazon.com Bryan Senn, whose books are available at http://www.mcfarlandpub.com and at http://www.midmar.com/books.html Tom Weaver, whose books are available at http://www.mcfarlandpub.com and at http://www.midmar.com/books.html PARTING BLURB "She had to kill the thing her husband had become!" -- The Fly