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NOVEMBER 2002
OBITUARIES
Andre de Toth
Film director Andre de Toth died following an aneurysm at his home in Burbank, Calif. He was reportedly 89, but accounts of his actual age varied. The director is best known to cult-film fans for the 1953 3-D horror classic "House of Wax" starring Vincent Price. It is considered by many to be the best film to emerge from the short-lived 3-D craze. Ironically, de Toth couldn't enjoy the visual gimmick himself, as he had only one eye. de Toth was born in Hungary where he obtained a law degree before deciding on an acting career. He held several positions in the Hungarian film industry being fleeing to England at the start of WWII. He worked for producer Alexander Korda before emigrating to the U.S. in 1942. He directed a handful of B pictures and in 1950 wrote the Academy Award-nominated story for the influential western, "The Gunfighter," which starred Gregory Peck. de Toth went on to direct several well-received westerns including "Carson City," "Last of the Comanches," "Springfield Rifle" and "Man in the Saddle." He also worked in television directing episodes of such series as "Maverick" and "77 Sunset Strip." He was married seven times, once to actress Veronica Lake in 1944. They divorced in 1952. Something of a Renaissance Man, de Toth was a sculptor, a pilot, a race-car driver and enjoyed scuba diving.
Peggy Moran
Actress Peggy Moran died as a result of injuries sustained
in an automobile accident in August. She was 84. While her
screen career was abbreviated, she endeared herself to B-movie
fans as the star of such shockers as "The Mummy's Hand"
and "Horror Island," as well as low-budget westerns including
"Trail of the Vigilantes" and "King of the Cowboys" opposite
Roy Rogers. Moran was born in Clinton, Iowa, the daughter
of noted portrait painter Earl Moran. Her mother, an ex-dancer,
accompanied her to Hollywood where Peggy landed a series
of supporting roles in pictures featuring such stars as
Edmund Lowe, Hugh Herbert, Kathryn Grayson and Deanna Durbin.
The Durbin vehicles "First Love" and "Spring Parade" were
directed by Henry Koster whom Moran married in 1942. She
retired from acting following their marriage. They remained
married until his death in 1988. She maintained in later
years that she didn't much care for "The Mummy's Hand,"
but was greatly appreciative of the film's many devoted
fans, saying they were among the nicest people she'd ever
met.
Sidney Pink
Film producer Sidney Pink died at his home in Pompano Beach,
Fla., after a long illness. He was 86. Pink produced over
50 films during his career including the landmark 3-D film
"Bwana Devil" in 1952. Pink also produced the 1959 science
fiction film "Angry Red Planet," and produced and directed
"Reptilicus" and "Journey to the Seventh Planet" in the
early 1960s. He also served as producer for several other
science fiction/horror-related films in Europe during the
1960s including "Pyro," "Sweet Sound of Death," "Operation
Atlantis," "Witch Without a Broom" and "Bang Bang."
Keene Curtis
Character actor Keene Curtis died in Salt Lake City after
a long battle with Alzheimer's disease. He was 79. Curtis
was best known for his Broadway role as Daddy Warbucks in
the musical "Annie" and as the owner of the upstairs restaurant
on the TV sit-com "Cheers". He was also seen in several
science fiction tele-films including "The Cloning of Clifford
Swimmer," Gene Roddenberry's "Strange New World," "Stowaway
to the Moon" and "The Magnificent Magnet of Santa Mesa."
His film credits include the 1978 remake of the fantasy
"Heaven Can Wait," with Warren Beatty, and the 1993 psychological
thriller "Sliver." Curtis co-starred with Bill Bixby in
the 1973 television series "The Magician," and was seen
in episodes of "Wonder Woman," "Logan's Run," "Struck by
Lightning," "Knight Rider," "Star Trek: Voyager," "Lois
& Clark: The New Adventures of Superman," "Stargate
SG-1" and "The Pretender."
Dennis Patrick
Veteran character actor Dennis Patrick died as a result
of a house fire in his Hollywood Hills home. He was 84.
Patrick, who was perhaps best known for his long running
role as J.R. Ewing's banker in the TV series "Dallas," starred
as Jason McGuire in the 1960s Gothic soap opera "Dark Shadows."
He also appeared in the 1970 film based on the series, "The
House of Dark Shadows." He was featured in the 1964 science
fiction film, "The Time Travelers" and the 1969 thriller
"Daddy's Gone A-Hunting." He also starred in the 1972 horror
film "Dear Dead Delilah," with Agnes Moorehead, and the
1989 fantasy "Chances Are." On television, Patrick was seen
in episodes of "Alfred Hitchcock Presents," "One Step Beyond,"
"Lost in Space," "The Six Million Dollar Man," "The Bionic
Woman," "Fantasy Island," "The Incredible Hulk" and the
new "Twilight Zone."
Maurice Manson
Character actor Maurice Manson died on Sept. 25. He was
89. Manson starred in the 1956 monster movie "The Creature
Walks Among Us," as Dr. Borg. He was also seen in 1957's
"The Girl in the Kremlin," as Stalin, and was featued in
the 1962 sci-fi comedy "The Three Stooges in Orbit." On
television, Manson made appearances in episodes of "Lights
Out," "Alfred Hitchcock Presents," "Voyage to the Bottom
of the Sea," "The Munsters" and "The Green Hornet."
THE B MOVIE MONTH IN REVIEW
IMPALES BY COMPARISON
Break out the torches, gang. Castle Dracula is about to
be stormed again. Sighisoara, Romania, birthplace of the
15th century Count, "Vlad the Impaler," has been abuzz with
controversy ever since Sighisoaraians resolved some time
ago that their Transylvania town would one day be home to
a Dracula theme park, boosting tourism and creating jobs
for thousands. Vlad, of course, was the real-life inspiration
for Bram Stoker's "Dracula," and a $30 million, Disneyesque
park based on his legend could give the region's sagging
economy a much-needed cash transfusion. But environmental
protesters, including UNESCO and Greenpeace, have launched
a campaign against the park, claiming it will ruin the local
environment and despoil the area's medieval heritage. The
Romanian government vows that it will not be swayed. "We
respect UNESCO's stand," the tourism ministry told Reuters,
"but this is a government project and UNESCO cannot put
constraints on it." UNESCO Secretary-General Koichiro Matsuura
maintained that, "building a Dracula park near Sighisoara
would endanger the cultural value of the city." Hans Frolich,
a concerned local priest, fears that "this place will be
invaded by those who practice satanic rites and by drugs.
What could children see in such a park? People who sharpen
their teeth and drink blood or some crazy guys clad in bed
sheets and posing as ghosts? It's ridiculous." Clearly,
this clergyman has never visited the USA, where monstrous
human beings with giant rodent heads and eight-foot-dogs
wearing men's clothing stalk America's most popular theme
parks.
FANS STILL LOVE LOW-BUDGET BIG G
Toho will unveil its brand-new Godzilla feature this month.
While the release of "Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla," may
not be big news, it's worth noting that the Big G has thrived
for nearly half a century, delighting throngs of Japanese
fans, on production budgets that are miniscule compared
to Hollywood features. (Think devoted fans will still be
queing up for "Matrix" sequels in 2050?) Shying away from
most digital effects, Toho continues to employ a man in
a rubber suit to portray the outsized dinosaur. Apparently,
Japanese audiences prefer an actor trouncing miniatures
to the ultra-realism that American moviegoers have come
to expect, and they reward Toho by turning out in enthusiastic
droves for each new Godzilla release. "Godzilla Against
Mechagodzilla" cost 1 billion yen to produce. That's about
$8.5 million, big bucks by Toho standards. But that is roughly
8 percent of the production cost of "Star Wars: Episode
Two." "You can do anything with digital technology," producer
Shogo Tomiyama said in a recent interview. "The more computer
graphics you use, the less tangible the film becomes." Toho's
craftsmen present an argument that would surely be abhorent
to Hollywood's CGI artisans. According to director Masaaki
Tezuka, "You can clearly see the miniatures are miniatures.
You feel that the crew put so much energy and effort into
them, and it shows on the screen." So, call them cheesy
and childlike, but up to 4 million Japanese turn out each
time the "King of the Monsters" visits his old stomping
grounds.
GRAPHIC HORROR
And while we're on the subject of Japan's movie culture,
DH Publishing is unleashing a new volume chronicling the
ballyhoo that heralded the release of some of that nation's
most notable offerings. Touted as "a tribute to 50 years
of popular movie-making and graphic design," "Japanese Movie
Posters: Yakuza, Monster, Pink and Horror," is a lavishly
illustrated celebration of the celluloid crazy quilt that
is Japanese cinema. Ninjas, gangsters, samurai and dinosaurs
were all announced with brazenly colored graphics and eye-catching
designs that are uniquely Japanese, reproduced here in all
their garish glory. You can find out more by writing: hyokoi@mse.biglobe.ne.jp
or jen@a1.rimnet.ne.jp
EVEN MORE ASIAN GORE
The folks behind Subway Cinema will present "In the Mood
for Gore: 22 Years of Deliciously Evil Hong Kong Cinema."
The length of the title should give you a clue as to the
jam-packed menu of Asian horror films they're offering from
November 8 through November 14. "We'll be showing rare Asian
horror movie trailers before each screening, as well as
giving away DVDs," says promoter Chris Bourne. "We're not
affiliated with any studio or entertainment company. We're
just a bunch of fans who were sick of not seeing good Asian
movies in New York, so we put together our own money and
started showing them ourselves." Among the Hong Kong horrors
being offered are "Untold Story," "Inner Senses," "Mr. Vampire,"
"Encounter of the Spooky Kind," "Bio-Zombie" and many more.
Screenings will be at New York's Anthology Film Archives,
32 Second Avenue, at Second Street. For a complete schedule
and more info check out: http://www.subwaycinema.com You
know the drill: Tell 'em the B Monster sent you!
SUPED-UP LEGEND
Director Brett Ratner, who made a splash with the Jackie
Chan-powered "Rush Hour" films, and more recently helmed
"Red Dragon," a prequel/sequel or something featuring cannibal
Hannibal Lecter, has stepped in to replace McG as the director
of the new and long-awaited "Superman" movie. McG will instead
helm "Charlie's Angels 2: Halo." (No kiddin,' that's really
the name of it.) Ratner's plans for "Rush Hour 3" have been
placed on the back burner. J.J. Abrams, creator of the TV
show "Alias," has already completed a "Superman" screenplay.
The project is ominously described by Warner Brothers as
"a re-imagining of the Superman legend." Why, for Pete's
sake, does it have to be "re-imagined"? The original imaginers
did a fine job. Have contemporary filmmakers completely
lost the ability to "imagine" NEW things? Must they continue
to co-opt and corrupt existing good things? Is this just
another part of the baby boomer conspiracy to screw up everything
for the next generation? If the Man of Steel must be "re-imagined,"
we're beggin' ya, don't depict him as plagued by self-doubt,
haunted by nihilism, cracking catchphrases and cursing like
a high schooler. Ratner told Variety, "I was born to make
this movie. It's the perfect time to make this movie, as
everyone is looking for someone to save the world, and who
better than Superman?" There's no faulting that sentiment,
but why not let the "real" Superman -- the Superman we already
know and love -- do the job, not a "re-imagined" one?
FROM THE "JUST WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS" FILE ...
Sir Anthony Hopkins recently told The Star newspaper that
he's written his own script for yet another Hannibal Lecter
film in which Clarice Sterling shoots and kills his character
once and for all. (Talk about a spoiler.) "I did write a
screenplay of my own, just as an exercise," said Sir Anthony.
"I showed it to Dino and to my agent and the studio. It's
about Hannibal actually out there, after 'Hannibal.' The
final denouement." He continues: "Clarice is having a nervous
breakdown and living in San Francisco. Then the nightmares
start. She sees him on street corners, and he vanishes in
the crowd. Then one night, she wakes up in her bedroom and
she's handcuffed to her bed, and he's in the corner smoking
a cigar, and he says, 'Hello, Clarice...'" On a related
note, a real live serial killer gunned down 12 innocent
people in the Washington, D.C. area, in the midst of which
the moviegoing public made "Red Dragon," a movie about a
poor, misunderstood mass murderer, the nation's No. 1 box
office draw. What is wrong with you people?
FRANK TALK
We've been fielding quite a few questions of late (including
queries from the New York Times) regarding the activities
of actor Frank Gorshin. Frank has recently garnered a good
bit of press owing to the opening a his one man show. But
the Emmy-nominated actor, perhaps best known as The Riddler
of "Batman" fame, has rarely been off the cult-film radar.
The former star of "Invasion of the Saucer Men" and "Dragstrip
Girl," among others, has been a regular presence at film
and horror cons, including the massively attended Chiller
Theater gathering, for several years. Gorshin's most recent
accomplishment is a star turn in the indy comedy-drama "Manna
From Heaven," a goodhearted film that showcases Frank's
unique brand of burlesque to maximum advantage. The cast
also includes Seymour Cassel, Shirley Jones, Cloris Leachman,
Louise Fletcher, and many other old pros. The film is the
work of Five Sisters Productions, a bravely indpendent family
of filmmakers (the five Burton sisters do it all -- act,
write, direct, produce) whose previous films "Temps" and
"Just Friends" met with great critical success despite their
relatively minimal funding and distribution. Check out Frank,
and the film if it's playing near you. Find out more at:
http://www.fivesistersproductions.com
A TRULY HAPPY HAUNTING
What is The Haunt? It's the Midwest's premier haunted house
attraction. Every autumn, this Michigan-based family-geared
spooktacular seems to top the previous year's success, and
this Halloween season was no exception. Beginning in September
and running through the first part of November, Haunt founder
Michael Burns opens its creaking portals to an enthralled
throng of goosebumpy funseekers. Burns and his talented
team pour heart and soul into these elaborate productions.
("Without the help of my construction manager, my artist
and my casting director, this show wouldn't get off the
ground," he says.) Burns points out that "this truly is
a show that will entertain your entire family. In last year's
show, we had grown men falling on their knees from fright.
All age ranges enjoy this show. It is scary, but there's
nothing that is objectionable to minors in it. I have a
daughter myself and I wouldn't be able to look at myself
in the mirror if we created a show that I couldn't let her
go through." Burns was 28 when he opened Ready, Set, Grow,
an educational toy store. "It was a big success and I really
enjoyed helping out kids and the community. But I knew it
was just a stepping stone in achieving my real dream, a
family-oriented haunted house." The Haunt Web site features
a prominent link to The Grand Rapids Youth Commonwealth,
a 60-year-old partnership with the Grand Rapids Police Department
that serves low-income and at-risk youth. For more info
on the Haunt and its history, visit: http://www.the-haunt.com
Naturally, tell 'em the B Monster sent you!
THEIR NETWORK CUT OUT FOR THEM
The folks behind The Fright Channel, an aggregation who
seems dedicated to reviving the TV horror host while encouraging
independent horror film production, staged a special fundraiser
October 28th at the Brattle Theatre in Harvard Square, Mass.
The main attraction was a screening of goremeister Herschell
Gordon Lewis' "Blood Feast 2," a sequel to his 1963 drive-in
gross out. According to promoters, "the fundraiser was a
benefit for The Fright Channel to help launch the world's
first all-horror TV Network!" As of this writing, the network
is limited to a single station, SCAT-TV Channel 3 in Somerville,
Mass., where "Uncle Death" screens fright-film oldies every
Friday at 1:30 AM. "We are striving to bring you great programming
and great movies," says the Fright Channel Web site, and
among the coming attractions are the Boston premiere of
Aftershock Productions' "Demon Day," the premiere showing
of Ion Spire Studios' "Creeping Paralysis," and someone
called The Mysterious Dr. Phineas Chaise in something called
"Paradox: Prologue." While horror of more recent vintage
falls beyond the B Monster's scope of expertise, we will
nevertheless pass along this entreaty from these devoted
patrons of the horrid arts: "If you are a producer of horror,
sci-fi or fantasy films of any type and any medium, and
you want to reach a wider audience, then please send an
inquiry to: info@horrorhaven.com" For more details, check
out: http://www.horrorhaven.com
SPEAKING OF WHICH, AN INTRODUCTION IS IN ORDER ...
Fright Channel, meet C.C.I.'s Eye-Magination Studios. Eye-Magination
Studios, meet the Fright Channel. The C.C.I. gang have produced
a short shocker called "The Anasazi Mummy," which certainly
falls under the heading "horror, sci-fi or fantasy film
of any type and any medium." Is this homemade horror fodder
for the Fright Channel? There's one way to find out. Visit
http://www.rlyeh.com/anasazi-mummy for more info. Or drop
them a line at clarkcorp@aol.com We've done our part. Good
luck, guys!
TENNESSEE TERROR
The pleasantly putrid Dr. Gangrene is likewise earnestly
endeavoring to preserve the legacy of TV's horror hosts.
A note of congratulations are in order as the Gangrenous
emcee's "Chiller Cinema" recently celebrated its third broadcast
anniversary. The good doctor passed the recent Halloween
season hosting ("dead" and in person) a screening of "Return
of the Vampire" at the Red Caboose Park in beautiful Bellevue,
Tenn., as well as appearing in the (rotting) flesh at Comic
City's Nashville Horror Fest. To nosta-holics in the Nashville
vacinity, the grisly physician directs the following plea:
"Dr Gangrene needs your help! If you have any photos of
the great Sir Cecil Creape, Nashville's most famous horror
host, please email me at drgangrene@chillercinema.com. "
The Doc is plotting a special televised tribute to the former
Tennessee "Creape-ster!" Learn more about the Doctor's nostalgic
doings at: http://www.chillercinema.com Tell 'em, without
hesitation, the B Monster sent you!
HORROR THRIVES IN THRILLVILLE
Life-loving lounge lizard and purveyor of paltry-budget
productions, Will "The Thrill" Viharo, once again welcomed
Frisco cult-figure Bob Wilkins to his Bay Area haunt, The
Parkway Theater. Billed as "The Return of Captain Cosmic,"
Will, Bob and Bob's original robot sidekick 2T2, screened
the fearsome twin-bill "Godzilla vs the Space Monster" and
"Infra Man." "Fans showed up in droves to give Bob a full,
boisterous house and a standing ovation," says Will. Soon
after, they hustled off to the Copia Theater in Napa to
present the "Creature Features Halloween Road Show," where
local treasure John Stanley was, according to Viharo, "greeted
like the prodigal hometown hero he is." The pair hosted
a screening of the Alex Gordon, AIP classic "She Creature."
Will and company then shuttled back to the Parkway to prep
November's lineup. Monsters and mayhem are thriving by the
Bay. (I hope that's not how Tony Bennett happened to lose
his heart there.) For more info, visit: http://www.thrillville.net
By all means, tell 'em the B Monster sent you!
NEW ON DVD
SHOCK WAVES
Believe it or not, cult-film fans, there is a sub-sub-sub-genre
of Nazi-related horror pics. We can point to "Revenge of
the Zombies" and "King of the Zombies," both filmed during
WWII. The 1950s brought us "She Demons" and "Flesh Eaters."
Then, of course, there's that scrap heap of a movie "They
Saved Hitler's Brain." "Shock Waves" is a 1976 addition
to the category, hyped with a blurb on its box art proclaiming
it "The best of the Nazi zombie movies." Okay, that's debatable,
and we're not about to spend time on that discourse. But
"Shock Waves" is interesting in that it has a unique, "we're
making this up as we go along" feel. In fact, an illuminating
aspect of the audio commentary by writer/director Ken Wiederhorn
and makeup man Alan Ormsby, is that filming "Shock Waves"
was a learn-as-you-go experience. With next to no film experience
under their belts, they decided to make a movie about Nazi
zombies. They secured some funding and, by God, they made
a movie about Nazi zombies. Cult filmmaker Fred Olen Ray
also contributes to the audio insights. As the film was
being shot in his native Florida, Ray talked his way into
a gig as the movie's still photographer, and many of the
subsequent shots are showcased in the gallery of stills
that is part of this package.
So, these green filmmakers managed to procure the services
of John Carradine and Peter Cushing for a very limited time.
They shot them huffing and hamming, and worked those scenes
into their plot. As Nazi doctor Cushing explains to the
captive cast, just as World War II was drawing to a close,
Nazi scientists bred a race of super soldiers. As the allies
closed in for the kill, he loaded the brutes onto a boat
and headed for the Caribbean. Unfortunately, the boat sank
near a secluded island, and the uber-troopers slept beneath
the waves for 30 years until disturbed by boat skipper Carradine,
his first mate and former "Flipper" star, Luke Halpin, and
a quarrelsome group of vacationers including starlet Brooke
Adams. Stranded on said island, this disparate band of stereotypical
characters are stalked by the mute, murderous super-Nazis.
"Shock Waves" features some affecting shots, particularly
those of the soggy storm troopers rising one by one from
the water. Whether or not it is "The best of the Nazi zombie
movies," the overall DVD experience is enjoyable thanks
to the insights, honesty and humility of the filmmakers.
Aspiring schlock-movie mavens should check it out for that
reason. http://www.image-entertainment.com
SPIDER-MAN
Not quite as good as it should have been, but not NEARLY
as bad as it could have been. Director Sam Raimi stays laudably
true to the original spirit of the Marvel Comics Cinderella-superhero
premise. And the players are first rate, with Tobey Maguire
ideally cast as the web slinger. (Sadly, the B Monster's
idea of double-casting Jackie Chan as Spider-Man while in
the costume, and Matthew Broderick out of it, came about
10 years too late.) In fact, every player is well-matched
to their role, particularly Willem Defoe as the Green Goblin,
though why they didn't just paint his face green instead
bolting a metal mask to his head is puzzling. He's a dead
ringer for the comic Goblin, but then, we're always irked
by these modernizing touches that tend to plague depictions
of classic characters (e.g., Batman's body armor or the
X-Men's S&M leather ensemble). Another case in point
is Peter Parker's organically fomenting web. The troubled
teen in the original comic version was resourceful even
to design mechanical web shooters that fastened to his wrists.
Why not show a contemporary kid with similar smarts, rather
than depict him as the victim of a physical phenomena over
which he has limited power? But enough of the scientific
double-talk. It's basically a good-natured film (geez, when
was the last time we could say that of a recent movie?)
with heroes and bad guys. The good guy fights for the right
thing and (brace yourself ... spoiler warning!) he wins!
The ending is a dramatic muddle that lays the groundwork
for "Spider-Man 2," but muddlement notwithstanding, Raimi's
spirited synthesis of traditional values and edgy (God,
I hate that term) modern-day menace is a success.
THE MUMMY: QUEST FOR THE LOST SCROLLS
This is a feature-length adventure based on the Kid's WB
network animated series. That series is, of course, derived
from the smash live-action features starring Brendan Fraser,
Rachel Weisz and Arnold Vosloo. Those films were in turn
inspired by the Universal/Karloff classic, which was made
70 years ago and which itself begat the spate of 1940s "Mummy"
movies starring first, Tom Tyler, and later Lon Chaney Jr.
as the rag-wrapped menace. With that lineage out of the
way, you should be aware that we come to this cartoon as
part of a generation spoiled by "Jonny Quest," "Fantasia"
and the Fleischer "Superman" series. May as well face it,
they're never going to make cartoons like that again, and
this Mummy adventure owes a greater debt to "Speed Racer"
than "Superman." It's got that quasi-Japanamation look that
today's kids seem to crave and which is bound to look terribly
dated 20 years from now. Even so, this colorful caper is
jampacked with enough monsters, ghouls and goodies to make
the kids tingle, and it is a cut above most contemporary
Saturday morning fare. More significantly, even with its
detriments -- its jarring, semi-limited animation, ultra-stylized
(almost crudely rendered) character faces, and awkward narration
that tries to cover too many bases -- it's still more fun
than either of director Stephen Sommers' "Mummy" features,
which we always found a little too self-consciously droll
for their own good. "The Mummy Returns" was just plain boring,
which this animated trifle never is. Its makers are smart
enough to recognize that brisk pacing can cover a multitude
of sins and kids are bound to get a kick out of this "Quest."
For more info, check out: http://www.mummyquest.com
MEN IN BLACK II
Director Barry Sonnenfeld's followup to the 1997 summer
smash is, in a word, unnecessary. While the cast, particularly
Tommy Lee Jones and Rip Torn, seem to be having a grand
time, nothing remarkably fresh is brought to the table.
We were always on the fence regarding the first "Men In
Black." It was a nifty idea, had terrific effects and a
squirrely, compelling performance by Vincent D'Onofrio as
an alien-possessed farmer. It was a tasty trifle, but it
didn't really stick to the ribs. There's even less for the
pallette to savor at this sitting. On the plus side, Lara
Flynn Boyle is well-suited to the role of a steely, sexy,
intermittently tentacled alien, and the ever-dependable
Tony Shaloub has fun munching the scenery. On the minus
side, a funny turn by "Seinfeld's" Patrick Warburton is
squandered, and the pace of the film is jarring, the plot
starting and stopping like a kid learning to drive a clutch.
It doesn't build to a satisfying payoff, and the denouement
we're given feels contrived to say the least. In short,
it feels like a film they HAD to make but didn't really
want to.
STAR WARS, EPISODE 2: ATTACK OF THE CLONES
George Lucas is a pop-culture Atlas staggering under the
weight of this colossal franchise he's created. So many
characters, so many plot points ... and so many FANS. Hordes
of very demanding fans just spoiling for a fight should
anyone, even Lucas, tamper with the zeitgeist. Critics have
been harsh, and in an effort to dodge accusations of piling
on, we'll not review "Attack of the Clones," but rather
the audience we saw it with when it opened in theaters.
(Truth be told, I planned on critiquing the film, but after
reviewing "Episode 1: The Phantom Menace," I discovered
that the "B," "O," "R," "I," "N' and "G" keys on my keypad
were nearly worn out.) I saw "Episode 2" in a full house
that boasted one of a very few digital screenings in our
area. (Lucas explained that "Attack of the Clones" didn't
beat Harry Potter's opening day box office record because
he limited the number of "non-digital" screens showing the
film. He also said that he doesn't make films to make money.
No kiddin,' he actually said that.) For the record, the
picture was very clear, and one thing I always insist on
when moviegoing is seeing the picture clearly.
In general, the audience was fairly respectful and didn't
talk much at all. This shocked me, given the film's many
talky patches. One woman did, however, not only answered
a cell phone call, but proceeded to carry on the conversation.
There were lots of single men in the crowd -- 40- to 50-year-old
single men -- at 3:00 in the afternoon, which might reflect
on the current unemployment picture or contemporary work
ethic, but not on them, personally. The entire row in front
of us was filled by 20-somethings who consumed an inordinate
amount of concession grease, and then discussed dinner plans
throughout the coming attractions. One of them actually
PLACED a phone call, excusable, I suppose, because the film
hadn't actually started. Did you know that some men still
wear pony tails? Honestly, I didn't. Anyhoo, midway through
the film, the college-age chap in front of us removed the
tourniquet from his tresses and tossed his long locks backward
in a "Baywatch" motion, slapping the faces of those seated
behind him with his unbecoming mop. No one said anything.
He was the only one in that row without a date. I guess
we felt sorry for him.
As previously stated, I'll not review the movie, but the
crowd's revealing reactions to its contrivances. The audience
laughed when they weren't supposed to. This is never a good
sign. They laughed during romantic scenes involving Natalie
Portman and someone named Hayden Christensen. They laughed
whenever Hayden Christensen opened his mouth. For the uninformed,
he plays the fellow who grows up to be Darth Vader, the
most intimidating figure in the universe. The grownup Darth
talks like James Earl Jones. This youngster sounds like
Keanu Reeves after a toke of helium. (Note: Orson Welles
was roughly this fellow's age when he wrote, produced, directed
and starred in "Citizen Kane.") The crowd may also have
been distracted by the way the characters kept calling him
"Annie," perhaps confusing him with the subject of the smash
Broadway musical derived from the classic comic strip. In
any case, no one cheered, laughed or applauded when they
WERE supposed to. (And incidentally, the film is every bit
as violent as the World War II dramas of my youth that caused
such an uproar among parents' associations.)
Lobby sightings: A fiftyish man wore a shirt like Charlie
Brown's (yes, you can buy those in finer comic shops.) Logo-emblazoned
tees were the uniform of the day. Not a man in sight was
wearing a shirt with buttons on it, which would suggest
that they were either science-fiction geeks or Amish. Some
stood in line, a drink in one hand, a tub of popcorn in
the other, dipping their tongues frog-style into the tubs
to snare the snack. A young boy excitedly explained to his
mother the difference between an X-wing fighter and the
ship that Ewan MacGregor was piloting (I found this interesting
because the visual effects -- all the steely gimcrack, airships
and armor, glowing and phantasmagorical like 1960s sci-fi
paperback covers come to life -- do nothing to generate
suspense. What was he excited about? We know going in that
the characters survive. We've seen them in the other moves!
But, as I said, we're NOT reviewing the film.) Most revealing
of all, was a boy of about seven, trailing his father after
the film and asking, over and over, "It was cool, wasn't
it, Dad? Wasn't it cool? It WAS cool, WASN'T it?" I suppose
it was just as cool as the adult told him it was.
SOLARIS
With a Hollywood remake on the way starring George Clooney,
the sexiest person in television history, according to TV
Guide, it makes sense to release the original 1972 Russian
sci-fi epic "Solaris" on DVD. I can't think of a foreign
film less suitable for an American remake, but I suppose
they said that about "Seven Samurai." "Solaris" has many
memorable elements. It's pretentious (which is okay if you
can live up to the pretense), audacious and its basic plot
about a sentient planet that can read men's minds and transform
their thoughts into physical reality has been swiped numerous
times. But what the uninitiated are likely to be most impressed
by is the film's length: 165 minutes. Director Andrei Tarkovsky
does not value brevity. I mean, this film is looooong. Which
is not to say that much of it is wasted. That's arguable,
as Tarkovsky spends reels of film showing people walking,
thinking, brooding (it IS a Russian film, after all) and
driving. Especially driving. Not one second of the hero's
drive into the big city is spared. He's driving -- and he's
driving, and driving, and driving -- for a good 10 minutes
in silence, supposedly contemplating the mission before
him. Such scenes are perhaps this cerebral director's way
of forcing us to "think along" with the character. What's
running through his mind should be running through ours,
and if it isn't, well, better get comfortable. We've all
sat through "talky" movies. Well, this one's a "thinky,"
and all that "excess" film is your scratch pad for scrutinizing
the characters' motives. So, is the payoff worth the viewer's
sorely-tested patience? Again, arguable, but you gotta admit,
the idea of a planet that is, in essence, a thinking, feeling,
sentient entity that can enter our brains and alter our
thoughts is a humdinger. How this pretense will be corrupted
by the Hollywood commercial mill I don't know. Probably
lots of explosions and Van Halen songs. But I'm willing
to bet that, no matter how cute he is, no American audience
is going to want to watch George Clooney driving in total
silence for 10 minutes.
SPECIAL THANKS TO:
Michael F. Blake, whose books are available through Vestal
Press or at http://www.amazon.com
Harris Lentz III, whose books are available at http://www.mcfarlandpub.com
Bob Madison, whose books are available at http://www.amazon.com
Bryan Senn, whose books are available at http://www.mcfarlandpub.com
and at http://www.midmar.com/books.html
Tom Weaver, whose books are available at http://www.mcfarlandpub.com
and at http://www.midmar.com/books.htm
PARTING BLURB
"50 tons of creeping black horror!" -- The
Spider
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